If you’re planning a wedding, the ceremony might be the part you’re looking forward to most! Or maybe you’re feeling nervous about it. As a wedding photographer, I’ve seen hundreds of ceremonies – I hope these tips help you out! (i’ve written about this before, and it’s one of my most popular posts, so pls consider this as the updated, detailed version!)
Author’s note – I’m referencing a “typical” “conventional” wedding ceremony in this post, the kind where you meet up in front of an officiant, with friends/family as witnesses, and have some act of ceremony in front of them to celebrate your marriage. I’ll be referring to things like an “aisle” and “processional,” but you don’t have to have those things at your wedding ceremony for it to be a valid expression of your love. I am SO HERE for the wacky and wonderful, folks – get weird if you wanna!
In the meantime, I hope these tips help those who don’t know exactly where to start on their ceremony planning journey.
- Hire a great officiant. You must have someone present at your wedding who is legally authorized by Vital Statistics to perform a marriage in Alberta.
In Alberta, you can have a friend perform your ceremony by getting a temporary marriage commissioner certificate. They’re in high demand, and they take awhile to process, so if you really want a friend/family member to perform your ceremony, click here and find out more.
A great officiant should make the process fun and easy to understand. They’ll personalize your ceremony to reflect your relationship. This personal attention means that on the day of, your wedding officiant isn’t just reading the script. As a guest/wedding vendor, I can always can tell when the couple has just hired someone random from Service Alberta’s big old list of commissioners.
This is your wedding, it’s worth a phone call or the price of a cup of coffee to get to know the person who will be marrying you. Interview a couple of officiants if you need to, make sure the vibe is right.
If you would like suggestions of great wedding officiants, please let me know. I’ve worked with the best of the best and can suggest a few options for you.
2. Be yourselves. I mean this with the utmost sincerity. Your partner loves you for you. Please don’t edit your emotions just because there are people sitting there looking at you. Don’t be afraid to laugh, or sniffle, or cry. Feel it all!
And please ensure you’re physically comfortable during your ceremony. If you and your partner end up standing at an awkward distance in front of your officiant, and you want to move closer together, just go for it. (There’s no rules on where precisely to stand, I promise!) You can hold hands, or even give each other a quick smooch before the officiant tells you it’s time to kiss. You can look back at your parents or friends in the crowd, you can laugh at yourself or at each other if things go a little sideways, or if you need a nervous giggle. Life is too short to worry about what others are thinking of you in this huge moment. Everyone is there to love you, and they’ll appreciate you being you.
If you’re nervous, just look at each other. Just breathe. This is what actually matters.
3. Write your own personal vows, or a letter. I know, it seems like a lot of effort to write vows. To be honest, I didn’t want to write my vows at my own wedding either, but a good friend told me it was the most special part of her big day, and I’m so glad I listened to her suggestion.
The vows are the beating heart of the wedding ceremony, the culmination of the day. It should be personal, not a government script, it doesn’t have to be long or poetic. You just need to write a few lines. My partner and I took 15 minutes on the day of the wedding to write our vows (which was last minute, but heck, we both love a deadline!)
Our vows were perfect and special because they were about us, by us. The words we spoke come to mind instantly when I think of our big day. I thought I would be terrified being that emotionally vulnerable, speaking in front of all those people, but in that moment, it felt like we were alone, just me and my partner. Those feelings were just for us. I’m so happy I get to hold that memory, and that the folks witnessing our wedding know how much we love each other.
If you’re stressed about public speaking, you can write it down. Exchange a card or a gift with a note the morning of the wedding. It feels SO chaotic to say this, but if you’re stuck, write your vows or your card the day of, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes to get some time to yourself. Your emotions on that day will come through with honesty and clarity, and you might just have an easier time doing it.
4. Take a breath! Even if everything is running late, take a moment to look at each other and say “WE DID IT!” Give each other a quick squeeze or a long hug. Wipe your tears, or cry a few more. Look at each other and smile. Let it all sink in.
5. Hug your people. Hot take – “reception lines” are where it’s at (even if they aren’t lines, even if they’re not at a reception!) Don’t sprint away to photos after your ceremony! Give yourselves a second together to breathe, to wipe your tears, to say YAY (as per point 4 above!) and then head right back into the fray to greet your guests.
Hug your mom! Hug your aunties! Do a champagne toast with everyone present! Say hi to your uncle on Facetime!
Forget that old school reception line vibe with your families and wedding party standing in an awkward row outside the ceremony venue. It can unfold organically, just the two of you. It’s as simple as setting aside 10 minutes after your ceremony, when folks are still assembled, to hug and greet all the special folks who witnessed your wedding, who got all dressed up just to hang out and be happy with you both for a whole day.
When you look back on your life, this is no small thing. These people are there to love on you both, to show they support your choices and your love. Take this time to love on ’em right back, let these folks know you appreciate them.
I don’t care one bit if this eats into the time we should be doing your couples photos. Those moments (and those candid photos hugging grandpa) are so worth it.
5. Give the special people in your life special roles in your ceremony. If you have kids, give them a few moments to shine. Even if they don’t walk down the aisle like a ring bearer, they can stand at the front with you, they can read something, they can say their own little vows, or sing a song.
If you’re obsessed with your dog, then by all means, figure out how your dog can be at your wedding (there are even wedding day dog sitters you can hire if you have a feisty pup!)
If you’re close to your grandparents, include them in the ceremony. They can walk in with your wedding party. You can make grandpa the ring bearer, or let grandma do a special reading or bless your rings. Invite them to sign the formal documents as your witnesses. This is where those big life memories are supposed to be made, so let’s start making them.
6. Consider an unplugged ceremony. I’ve written a whole post about the pros and cons of unplugged wedding ceremonies, so I won’t repeat myself – it is detailed and has examples of signs, and things you can say to your guests if you do want to unplug.
And even if you’re cool with cameras at your wedding, please ask your parents and wedding party to put their phones away. It’s no fun for you to look out at your mom or dad during the ceremony to see them staring down at their phone screen, or fiddling with their camera settings. This happens ALL THE TIME.
I’m going to post photos below of parents actively engaged in the wedding as inspo for y’all. Thank you to these families/chosen families for being so present. Everyone wants photos of their parents looking at them with this kind of love and pride on their wedding day, don’t they?
7. Feel the joy during your recessional. Your first big moment together! This is my FAVE part of the ceremony to photograph, I love how truly overjoyed folks are after their ceremony, and I adore how contagious this kind of giddy happiness is. How everyone is smiling so big. Feel your feels, add a spin halfway down the aisle or a sassy smooch, or choose some upbeat music to dance it out down the aisle. Take your time! This day goes by so quickly, don’t be afraid to bask in it for a few moments.
Thanks for reading all of this! And whatever you do with your wedding ceremony, have fun with it!
Edmonton wedding and family photographers 